It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
