Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
