I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
