pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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