We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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