I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
