my room smells like sperm. sweet.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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