There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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