I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
