i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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