I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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