I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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