And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
