I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
