If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
