Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
