so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
