can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
