I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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