So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
