Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
