winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
