I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
