I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm always down for nudity.
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