We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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