so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
