Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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