I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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