Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
