trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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