I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
