i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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