At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
