our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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