I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
