He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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