when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
