i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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