i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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