if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
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do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I will be naked everywhere
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
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One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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