I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
