i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
