It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
