i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
