One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just had sex bonerless
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
