Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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