ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
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she peed on how many people?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
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at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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