I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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