Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
