FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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