i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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