Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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