i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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