I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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