Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
