no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
and she was petting her beer can
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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