THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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