I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
