I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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