Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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