What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
