The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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