After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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