I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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