i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize