Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
