Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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