12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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