I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
