I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
