So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
