Your face is a jimmy john
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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