Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
