I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We named our party play list daddy issues
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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