It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
