i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
